My Sober Summer

This summer I have taken a big step towards improving my health—I have stopped drinking alcohol. As many of you know, last fall (Nov’16) when I was in Mexico, I picked up a parasite that just would not leave! In the months that followed I took drugs and changed my eating habits and, finally, I stopped drinking. Sobriety really helped my health issues, and it also taught me a lot about myself.

My History with Alcohol

In my early 20s I worked in restaurants and nightclubs and I definitely did my fair share of binge drinking. I was always up for a party and I went out drinking several nights a week. As I got older this behavior lessened but I was still what I would have called a “social drinker.”

When I became a mom I found that I really enjoyed a relaxing glass (or two) of wine. After a day of mom-ing and teaching fitness classes, I got into the habit of cracking open a bottle of wine and I often didn’t stop after one glass. In all honesty, I was drinking 4 to 5 bottles of wine a week. Then came summers and holidays… eek! During vacations and over the Christmas season I would drink over a bottle of wine a day.

I never saw my drinking as a problem (and I don’t think anyone else did either) but I began to realize that when I drank alcohol I was not in alignment with my core values. I loved being healthy and active, but I also loved wine, even though I knew there was a disconnect between the two.

This was when my drinking began to feel like a problem. I didn’t want to drink as much yet I could never seem to cut back. I would say thing like “I am only going to drink on the weekends,” but if one stressful thing happened on a week day, I would crack open a bottle of wine and drink every night for the rest of the week. I would say to myself “I’ll try again next week.”

During the times when I did cut back, as I did during sugar-free challenges, I felt proud of myself and I swore I would keep it up, but I couldn’t follow through. Alcohol seemed to hold a lot of power over me! I would vow “this week no wine” or “next month I will cut back” but I ended up in my old drinking behaviour EVERY SINGLE TIME.

This felt shitty. I was a failure who had no willpower. Plus I felt like a fraud. Here I was trying to help others get healthy, yet I was clearly going over the recommended “one glass of wine a week.”

Then, one night just before my family and I went on vacation to Mexico, while my children were in bed and my husband was away, I polished off a FULL BOTTLE OF WINE. I tried justifying it by telling myself that my life was hard because my husband travels and I was working really hard so I deserved a little wine, but at the end of the night I prayed that I would find a way to never drink again.

And right after that I picked up that pesky parasite. It was almost as if the universe answered my prayer.

The parasite made a mess of my digestive system and I took powerful antibiotics and eliminated certain food from my diet, but when it came to alcohol, I “cut back” rather than going for complete abstention. Drinking alcohol was making me feel sick and it was also increasing my anxiety level, but I still resisted. Then one night, after only a half-glass of wine, I went to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack. It turned out I was only having an anxiety attack but I finally saw the light and ever since that night I have embraced a sober life. I know in my bones that all this happened for a reason!

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED

1. Quitting completely was harder than it sounds. I know that I needed a clean break and that moderation wasn’t going to work, but even though any alcohol made me feel like shit (even only a few sips) I still wanted a nice glass of rosé on a hot sunny day. In the first few months I spent a lot of time thinking about wine and about what I was missing out on, but as time went on I thought about other things and now I rarely feel sorry for myself.
2. Quitting has made me proud. For many months I felt sorry for myself, but now I just feel proud. Knowing that I am taking such good care of my body feels so right to me.
   Not drinking puts me in alignment with my authentic self. This is who I was meant to be. Not half-buzzed Rebecca. With no wine clouding my consciousness, I feel so much more connected to my purpose, my passions, and my true self. This is one of the best feelings and I am not even sure how to describe it except to say it’s magical.
3. I feel healthier when I stay sober. This may seem like a given but I can’t stress it enough. Sober me feels younger and more vibrant. I sleep better, I wake up feeling fresh, and I have more energy.
4. Sobriety looks good on me. I honestly think that I took a few years off my face when I quit drinking. Those 3-4 glasses of wine a night were not good for my skin. My husband tells me almost every day how beautiful I look and it makes my heart soar as I know he is being sincere. Even my mother-in-law has noticed!
5. Sobriety makes weight management easier. To drink as much as I did and to stay as thin as I am, I used to do stupid things like skip lunch or eat a light dinner so the calories would add up correctly. All this while encouraging my clients to eat healthy and not count calories! This was so NOT what I stand for: not only was I drinking a whack of empty calories every night (calories that should have come from nutritious food), I was also feeling bad about myself.

Now that I have been sober for six months, I see how much of a social norm it is to celebrate everything with booze, to “take the edge off” with wine, or even to get drunk at your kid’s playdate. Plus,TV, movies and social media make it seem normal to reach for a glass of wine after a stressful day.

I don’t feel shame or guilt about my drinking past, nor am I dedicated to a life with no wine ever! I am taking it one day at a time because sobriety feels good right now. I also think it’s important to talk openly about drinking alcohol. We all need to come out of our drinking closets so that we can help ourselves and each other to get back into alignment.

If you feel that drinking alcohol is out of alignment with your core values, maybe it’s time for a change. And if you are resisting what I am saying and feel defensive about your drinking, that’s not me making you feel bad, that’s you sensing that you too might have a problem.

Please know that I am trying not to sound self-righteous. I am baring my soul here and I hope this encourages you to take a closer look at yours.

If you would like to learn more about how I educate women to live their best lives through a online coaching program, head on over to https://www.benaturally.fit/fit-club/ and sign up to start making real change towards your authentic self. One where your actions align with your core values. It’s not easy but I am here to help.

xoxo

Rebecca